


Not Enough to Feel the Lack

by manycoloureddays



Series: Prompt Reposts [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Exes, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 13:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manycoloureddays/pseuds/manycoloureddays
Summary: Pansy is covered in Bubotuber pus the first time she sees Padma after their break up.





	Not Enough to Feel the Lack

**Author's Note:**

> anon asked for exes + hope, and i hope i provided! title from Ribs by Lorde, which is one of my favourite Padma x Pansy songs

Because the universe was actively working against her, the first time Pansy sees Padma since their break up she has Bubotuber pus on her clothes, and boils breaking out on her neck. 

‘Bloody _shitting_ Morgana,’ she swears, fanning her hands uselessly at the painful blistering. ‘Damn it. Wand, wand, wand.’ She’s muttering, and probably looks quite mad, but she can’t think beyond the pain and she knows she put her wand down on the bench somewhere. And now all she can think about is how many times she told Padma she shouldn’t be so absentminded with her wand. _One of these days your wand is going to be tucked behind your ear, spark and set your hair on fire._ Padma had laughed, caught Pansy’s hands and pulled her in close.

There is a sigh, a muttered spell, and suddenly the pain is gone. She looks at Padma properly for the first time since she walked into the shop and wishes she had the pain back. Boils she can handle. But Padma looks gorgeous. The bags under her eyes that had seemed a fixture in the months leading up to their break up are gone, and she’s cut her hair.

 _She’s better of without you_ , Parvati had said, not unkindly, when Pansy had swallowed her pride and asked. Clearly Parvati was right.

‘You have new glasses,’ she says nonsensically, when Padma continues to look at her, unfamiliar expression on her face. And then, because whatever her parent’s faults, some of the etiquette lessons stuck and she cannot deal with the fondness creeping into Padma’s expression, ‘Thank you.’

They stand in a silence that grows more and more awkward by the second until Pansy remembers where they are and why she had a Bubotuber in the first place.

‘Oh, sorry, how can I help you?’

Padma shakes herself, and takes a step backwards. And when had they moved so close together? ‘I didn’t know you were working here.’

She really doesn’t want to go into the details, and Padma has given her an out by not making it a questions, but Pansy just knows she’ll be going over and over those words once Padma leaves. _I didn’t know you were working here_. But what did she mean? Padma wasn’t naturally judgemental, but maybe it was pity? Annoyance that she’d been forced into sharing the same space as her ex? Pansy thought about the standing Thursday pub night she had been planning on skipping, and how many ridiculously expensive cocktails she could con out of Draco. She pulled on her customer service smile.

‘I needed the extra money and Elspeth was looking to hire someone. We’re a match made in heaven.’ She smirks, and immediately regrets it, which is becoming a theme of the conversation.

Padma, who the last time they spoke had pulled nearly all of Pansy’s well guarded secrets out and then proceeded to do exactly what Pansy had been afraid of and walked away, just nods, accepting the vague explanation without question. They get through the rest of the transaction that way; tiptoeing around remembered bruises, and offering small mercies. Padma asks for valerian and moondew, and how Pansy’s enjoying apothecary work. Pansy weighs and wraps her packages, and enquires after Padma’s parents. It is all very civil. There are some stilted but polite goodbyes, and then Padma is walking away. Again.

Pansy shifts her attention back to the Bubotuber, and tries not to listen to Padma’s footsteps in case she falls into a never ending cycle of _she was definitely hastening, she wanted to be gone_ and _did she slow down, I think she slowed a little._ Four months and she’s still over analysing.

She looks back up when sixty seconds have gone by and she hasn’t heard the door chime. Padma still has her back to her, hand on the handle, but she isn’t moving. Pansy doesn’t move.

‘I wanted to -’ Padma sounds unsure. ‘I’ve been meaning to -’ 

 _Don’t,_ Pansy thinks at her. She still can’t open her mouth. _Please don’t. Please._

‘Do you want to get a drink? When you finish work of course. Not a _drink_ drink, but a coffee? I miss you,’ all comes pouring out of Padma’s mouth, each word tripping and stumbling into the one that came before.

‘No.’ They share an incredulous look. The first moment of complete understanding since Padma walked in.

‘No?’

‘No,’ Pansy says again. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t tonight. I have plans.’ She wants to take the words back immediately. But she knows she can’t. Not when she’s only just finished licking her wounds. It would be too much like surrender, and Pansy may have done a lot of growing in her adult years but she won’t bend that far. Not unless she knows Padma is ready to meet her in the middle this time. 

‘Oh. Of course. Maybe, maybe another time then? I really have missed you. And this deserves a longer conversation, somewhere you don’t work, but I’m sorry. For the way we ended. For running.’

Pansy watches her face, but she shows no signs of taking it back, no signs of flinching. It does deserve a longer conversation, because Pansy knows there are a few things she might need to apologise for herself, and she is not ready to dive in feet first, eyes closed this time. She’s not sure what they can be, now. But she wants to find out.

‘Another time,’ she promises, and means it.

Padma smiles.


End file.
